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 【留爪贴：你害怕贫穷吗？】如何正确对待自己的成长背景？如何处理好自己的金钱？ |
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海归草
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作者：海归草 在 海归茶馆 发贴, 来自【海归网】 http://www.haiguinet.com
为什么很多人要省吃俭用、非要买个昂贵的包包？
俺同意有人说的：要从心理根源上找。
Are you afraid to look poor?
If you spend money to avoid embarrassment, you're human. But if you're spending money you don't have, the price may be higher than you think.
By MP Dunleavey
Editor's note: Join columnist MP Dunleavey and a group of women as they seek to strip away the myths around money, liberate themselves from debt and find financial sanity. Follow the continuing quest of the Women in Red every other Wednesday in Dunleavey's column on MSN Money.
Wanting to appear rich and being afraid to look poor may sound like the same thing, but they're not.
One is racing to keep ahead of the Joneses, the other desperately trying to keep up. One is rooted in pride, the other in fear.
And though neither behavior is particularly smart, the fear of seeming broke is its own special torment, fraught with shame, anxiety and intricate acts of financial self-deception.
Think that's not you? See if any of these ring a bell:
Does wearing cheap clothes make you queasy? You don't mind getting a steal on designer duds but you shun secondhand stores, consignment shops and anything with the words "Old" or "Navy" in it. You would swear that everyone can smell it when you spend $9.99 on a shirt.
Are you embarrassed to use coupons? You love the concept of saving money, and those two-for-ones are a little tempting, but you'd rather die than stand at the register while people watch (impatiently) as you hand over little pieces of clipped paper. It screams cheapskate.
Do you feel judged by your décor? You may not have a dime in savings, but there's a good reason for that: Your living room looks like a Crate & Barrel ad. Credit card bills be damned, that "Monaco" living room makes you feel secure.
Did you buy your house, car, stereo or personal digital assistant to impress friends or family? If the phrase "Wait till Bill/Sarah/Aunt Tildy sees this" crossed your mind, even for a hot second, you know the answer.
People who are saddled with this particular demon often can't see how it skews their behavior, even when it drives them to commit financial acts that are vain, foolish, not terribly smart and, in the worst cases, downright damaging.
"I've worked with women who had a morbid fear of appearing less successful than colleagues," says Rachel Weingarten, the president of GTK Marketing in New York, "so much so that they would buy pricey cars or take ridiculously over-the-top vacations, just to keep up appearances."
"My friends and I joke about 'fake it till you make it' syndrome," writes a reader. "I'll refill my Clinique bottle eight or nine times with drugstore cleanser, just so I have a pretty, expensive bottle on my counter. It may be for the benefit of others, but it's also to trick myself into feeling that I'm surrounded by nice things."
We are not alone
I always knew I had a basic allergy to coupons, and I have, shall we say, issues with what I wear.
It has taken me years to realize that only Heidi Klum would be able to spot a $9.99 blouse at 50 paces and to feel proud of my ability to assemble a classy work outfit that costs no more than $50 or $60 (thank you, H&M!).
But it wasn't until my new pencil-tapping editor assigned this article that I looked in the mirror and saw my whole life reflected there, steeped in the constant preoccupation to not ever, please God, appear as if I were struggling financially.
Although I grew up in what you might call reduced circumstances -- I remember asking my parents if we were poor, and, mortified, they said no, but I knew we were stretched -- I'm no longer in those shoes.
I've worked hard for the financial stability I've achieved in the decade between my early 30s and my early 40s. But it's hard to shake that early sense that having less somehow made me less.
The desire to compensate for what I thought I lacked was behind a lot of bad money moves:
Picking up a check I couldn't really afford.
Deciding to buy things from clothes to furnishings based on what I wanted others to see, not what my budget could bear.
Taking a trip because I didn't want others to think I couldn't afford to do so.
The irony, of course, is that when you let this facade be your financial guide, you're far more likely to end up exactly where you fear most: a broke, stressed-out fiscal mess.
Greater expectations
Like the primal desire to keep up with those around us, the worry about appearing economically challenged stems from deep impulses, as well as cultural influences.
In "The Overspent American," Juliet Schor, a sociologist at Boston College who is renowned for her research on work, leisure and consumer habits, defines what she calls the "new consumerism."
In the past 20 or 30 years, "there has been a dramatic upscaling of the American dream," she says in an eye-opening video about a phenomenon that will seem quite familiar to anyone who hasn't been living under a rock.
The one-time aspiration for a basic middle-class life "has morphed into a widespread desire for McMansions, the upscaling of vehicles," Schor says. "Comfort is no longer enough. People want luxury."
While this trend has fueled people's desire to appear rich, it's also fed into the flip side, says Miriam Tatzel, a social psychologist and researcher at Empire State College in Rockland County, N.Y.: the fear of looking poor.
Tatzel cites a study indicating that when people live in a neighborhood where they are poorer than those around them, they tend to spend more (and save less).
The anxiety about appearing subpar is a hard one to dismiss, Tatzel says, "because we judge other people based on their apparent status, the car they drive, the sort of house they own. . . . It's hard to ignore that when you know how people are going to respond to you."
Almost as if you have no choice
Tatzel says that whereas the pressure to keep up with the Joneses is more ego-driven, the lengths people will go to avoid looking broke is rooted in a desire to avoid powerful feelings of shame and embarrassment.
"There's a deep anxiety that you'll be stigmatized for being poor. For people who feel this way, it's almost as though they don't have a choice. They have to build themselves up."
Tatzel also offers a way to control the emotions that can lead to unhealthful financial choices.
based on her own research on consumer behavior and materialism, Tatzel has found that people are more likely to pursue a facade of material success when they are more group-oriented, more dependent on other people's opinions.
Learn more about newsletters"The people who are more individualistic are not as much," Tatzel says, "and they are also, by and large, happier."
Although you can't ignore the consumer-based culture we all live in, Tatzel offers two ways to scale back the sense of shame and pressure to compensate.
Don't believe everything you think. "Question your own assumptions," she says. "Are people really going to think less of you if your car is not a luxury car, if your clothes are not designer clothes? Probably not." And if you know people so shallow or judgmental, "do you want those people as friends?" Tatzel asks. "You can work on yourself, your attitude."
Know your enemies. "The other strategy is to associate more with the people who do share your values," Tatzel says. "Change the pressures that you expose yourself to."
作者：海归草 在 海归茶馆 发贴, 来自【海归网】 http://www.haiguinet.com
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 【留爪贴：你害怕贫穷吗？】如何正确对待自己的成长背景？如何处理好自己的金钱？ -- 海归草 - (7818 Byte) 2008-3-28 周五, 12:00 (1594 reads)
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